


these days

by conelradcutie



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Soft Johnny Silverhand, a lot of conversations & introspection, bc i can’t write anything else apparently lol, probably eventually fix-it, we'll see what else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29222322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conelradcutie/pseuds/conelradcutie
Summary: And then he’d told her that he would die for her. Not in so many words, but that’s what him being wiped was, wasn’t it? The final step in his drawn-out death. He was going to die for her, he said. Weeks ago, she would have been relieved to hear such a thing. Not now, though.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> previously called in these final days but i've since changed it because i'm indecisive. named after the song by nico because i adore it and it reminds me of johnny & v.

Each day the nagging pain in her head grows, ever so slightly. Each day, maybe once, maybe twice, it unexpectedly rises to a crescendo of unimaginable agony. Her vision blurs, she can barely keep herself standing. Lately, she’d begun coughing up blood.

Impossibly, he was worried for her. He cared about her; somewhere deep in his gut there was a pulling sensation when she stumbled in these moments, when she nearly collapsed because of the pain that _he_ had brought to her. He couldn’t understand how, as the pain she suffered worsened, her resentment towards him shrank. He could feel it when she looked at him. No longer was there a deep sense of hurt and anger in her chest. Lately, he could have sworn there was the tiniest swell of joy inside her whenever he appeared, even if he only showed up to make fun of her or criticize her decisions. Maybe he ought to be easier on her.

He'd started referring to the two of them as ‘us’ and ‘we.’ It wasn’t just V who needed to go see what was up with Panam or Judy, it was both of them. “We should go check it out.” The first time he’d said something like that he hadn’t even noticed, but she did. She had paused for a fraction of a second as she shoved her holo back into her pocket. _We_ should go check it out? That was new. A smile tugged at her lips.

V had yet to admit to herself just how warm his presence made her feel. She knew that she didn’t hate him nearly as much as she once did, but she hadn’t quite caught on to the fact that she actually _liked_ him. Maybe something more, too.

The first time she’d realized just how much her feelings towards him had changed was in the tub of ice at the Voodoo Boys’ place. She’d called for him as she felt herself slipping out of her body. And not just in her head. Embarrassingly, she’d said his name aloud, desperation and fear dripping from her voice. She was grateful that he had never brought that specific moment up, but she knew that he’d noticed.

And then when he saved her life. When he had every reason in the world to let her die. She had assumed that deep down, though he would never admit it to her, he was counting down the days until he would overpower her brain and could finally get back to living on his own terms. But he had saved her. He’d dragged her across the city to a place she could safely recover. And then he’d told her that he would die for her. Not in so many words, but that’s what him being wiped was, wasn’t it? The final step in his drawn-out death. He was going to die for her, he said. Weeks ago, she would have been relieved to hear such a thing. Not now, though.

_Something sharp near your heart_.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is really just two little scenes strung together, not sure how cohesive it is as a chapter. i really love writing for these two but i've never really regularly posted fic before so i'm still getting the hang of things!

“Well, I appreciate you not fucking him.”

V didn’t look back at Johnny as she exited the trailer, sleepy eyes squinting against the bright desert sun.

“Right, because everything I do is for your benefit.”

“Isn’t it?”

She could tell he wore a smirk without even looking back at him.

“Johnny, I’m really not in the fucking mood,” V huffed as she strode across the yard to Jackie’s Arch.

In truth, her decision not to sleep with River last night _was_ influenced by Johnny – kind of. Never in the way he would think if she ever tried to explain it to him, so she wouldn’t bother. But if she didn’t have the ghost of a rockerboy stuck in her swiftly dying brain? Yeah, maybe she would have fucked him. Maybe. Though, in all honesty, probably not. V ran from emotional and physical intimacy every chance she got. Following River up to that water tower last night was the biggest move she’d made in the romance department for a long time. Probably since she was a teenager, to be honest. Somewhere in her brain there was a fuzzy memory of a girl she’d known pulling a similar move when she was maybe sixteen. Something in her told her too, that was a memory that really _shouldn’t_ be fuzzy, that it was important to her. But she couldn’t think about that.

“You plannin’ to come back here another time, play domestic? ‘Cuz if you do, next time take one of those fuckin’ pills so I don’t have to sit through it.” Johnny had promptly ignored her request to shut the fuck up and so V ignored him, speeding away on the Arch and back towards the city.

She’d promised Johnny the other day in Pacifica that she’d give him control of her body and at the time she’d really meant it. She wanted to do that for him, to help him out. But fuck, if he didn’t stop blurting out every thought that entered his gonk brain, he was gonna destroy his chances of that ever actually happening.

But that wasn’t true. She could tell herself it was, but that didn’t change the fact that it wasn’t. It didn’t change the fact that helping him tie up his own loose ends was at the top of her priority list for some reason she couldn’t quite articulate. Nor did it change the fact that his asshole comments had started to move from annoying her to endearing her to him. But god would she do everything she could to make it seem like that wasn’t the case.

Despite it being early morning, the sun was already brutal, and V’s hair was damp against her neck as she sped back into the city. She needed a shower.

\---

She stood in her bathroom wrapped in a towel, wringing her hair out onto the tiles. In moments like this, the tiniest moments of normalcy, she forgot that her days were numbered. At first these moments hadn’t lasted long; Johnny’s presence in her brain used to pull her swiftly back to reality. He didn’t even have to say anything, she would just suddenly _feel_ him there and be reminded. Now, it was almost like nothing had changed. In moments like this when the world was quiet, his presence in her head, the feeling of him, somehow didn’t pull her back to the reality of her death.

Today, though, her brain decided not to let her live in blissful ignorance for more than a few moments. In crept the familiar waver in her vision, the first sign that she was about to be swept to the ground by pain.

“Shit,” she breathed out, a mere second before a wall of excruciating agony slammed into her brain and radiated out across her entire body. Her knees buckled and she slammed onto the floor of the bathroom with enough force to knock what little breath she had left in her lungs out of her. She’d managed to avoid another of these spells since the day Johnny had dragged her across the city to the Pistis Sophia. She’d been fearing that the next one was gonna be just as bad, maybe worse. So far, it seemed, her fears were right.

And then suddenly Johnny was beside her, the two of them crammed together in her tiny bathroom. As she sunk to the ground, blackness spotting her vision, he propped her trembling body against his own. She was vaguely aware of her head resting on his lap, vaguely aware of fingers in her hair. Her hand found his arm, skin against skin. Her nails dug into his flesh.

Eventually, it passed, but it had knocked so much out of her that V couldn’t bring herself to move. Distantly she was embarrassed to be laying on her dirty bathroom floor, clinging for dear life onto Johnny fucking Silverhand of all people. But the safety she felt was far stronger than anything else, than anything she’d ever felt before.

Finally, she managed to speak.

“I’m fucking scared, Johnny.”

“Me too, princess. But I’ve got you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Neither of them mentioned the strangely intimate moment on the bathroom floor after it was over, which Johnny was grateful for. V didn’t like feeling weak, Johnny knew this. Even in all the excruciating pain she had been in, he had felt the nagging sense of shame within her from being so helpless. The embarrassment that she needed someone to hold on to. And he didn’t enjoy thinking about why he was suddenly so eager to comfort her. He knew if he explored that urge for one moment, if he thought too long about why he’d been so pissed at her when she was at River’s, it would put the biggest wrench possible in everything. So, they both ignored it. It didn’t happen – they were fine.

V was now sat on her sofa, forcing herself to eat a shitty burrito before she headed out for the day. She had to stop by Judy’s to check up on her after the shit with Evelyn and then she was heading to the Afterlife to let Johnny get behind the wheel.

“So, you really think you’ll be able to convince Rogue it’s you?” she said incredulously through a mouthful of food.

“‘Course, no one else could match what I’ve got,” he smirked.

V raised an eyebrow, “And what’s that exactly?”

“Raw, animal charisma, and sex appeal.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” she rose from the sofa and roughly wiped her hands with the empty burrito wrapper, “You better be able to convince her, I don’t feel like having the Queen of the Afterlife thinking I’m batshit.”

“It’ll be fine, V. You worry too fucking much.”

“Wonder why,” she playfully glanced back at him as she left the apartment, slinging one of her ratty jackets over her shoulder.

He felt his heart stutter under her gaze. He hoped she hadn’t felt it too.

\--

The sensation of being crammed into the back of your own head is unexplainable. If this is how Johnny feels, she understands why he’s so fucking pissy all the time. But V didn’t even have the luxury of popping in to give him her two cents as he fucked up all the progress he’d made in getting her to trust him.

She wasn’t aware of what he was doing at first; the pills shoved her far into the recesses of her neural network, deep where she couldn’t see or hear anything. But as the pills wore off, she got a vague sense of what was going on. The sudden sensation of alcohol burning her stomach was all she needed to know that he had fucked her over. She was sure that he’d felt her anger bubbling up because within seconds she was pushed forcefully back down into her own head. _Motherfucker_.

And that’s how it went, on and off throughout what she hoped was only a few hours. She flickered back into consciousness slowly and he would push her back down. He’d gotten so sufficiently shitfaced that sometimes he didn’t realize for minutes on end that she was back in his head, seething. She was gonna fucking kill him – if he didn’t get both of them killed first.

When she finally returned to her body completely, the first thing she did was cough up blood. A lot of it too. She barely managed to bring her hand up to her face in time to catch it all.

“Fucking hell,” she groaned as she rolled back onto the lumpy pillow and stared at the ceiling. Her head was pounding, and her stomach was burning a hole into her torso. She hadn’t had a hangover this bad in years. Johnny genuinely could have fucking killed her with all the alcohol he’d pumped into her. Where the fuck was he? Hiding in her head probably, the asshole. Her eyes flitted across the room before landing on Rogue, sat in a chair facing her.

“Spit blood first thing every morning?”

V breathed out a heavy sigh. At least he’d actually done what he said he’d do.

\--

Johnny knew how bad he’d fucked up. He knew he was fucking up as he was fucking up. That’s typically how it went. It’s not like he was completely oblivious to his own faults, he just chose to ignore them. But fuck, he couldn’t ignore this mistake. As V spoke to Rogue about Grayson and Smasher, her mind was still full to the brim with anger towards him. He’d have to face her, he knew that. Especially if he wanted her to keep helping him. If that ship hadn’t sailed already.

After Rogue left and V coughed up blood one more time for good measure, her eyes flashed around the room expectantly.

Johnny braced himself as he flickered into her line of sight.

“Fuck you,” V said through gritted teeth as he propped himself onto the table in front of her, “You fucking lied to me.”

“Talked to Rogue, didn’t I?”

V barreled on, voice level but full of fire, “So, all that shit at the Pistis Sophia was just you manipulating me, huh? All a fucking show to make me feel comfortable enough to give you the reigns?”

His heart sank, “Wait, V, hold on. That’s not what that was.”

“Well, it’s sure as hell what it looks like from here.” She was sitting completely still in that menacing way of hers. He knew she wouldn’t budge unless he said something.

Johnny sighed and turned to face her head-on, pulling off his aviators in an attempt to let her see how guilty he felt, “I fucked up, I know I did. I knew it the whole time, I just-”

“You just what, Johnny? Why the fuck would you keep doing something if you knew it would piss me off? Thought we were past that bullshit.”

“I won’t do it again,” he said helplessly. He had no excuses and if he offered any she would see through him in an instant.

V’s eyes scanned his face, searching for something. After a moment it seemed like she’d found it. Suddenly, her anger dispersed. When she spoke next, her voice was full of fatigue instead.

“You can’t drink as much as you used to. You could’ve given me alcohol poisoning, you asshole. I’ll probably be hungover through tomorrow.”

He managed the smallest smile, “Didn’t realize you were a lightweight.”

V rolled her eyes and relief flooded him when she smiled, “Fuck off.”

Seconds later, V perked up, something she’d forgotten suddenly coming to her, “You got a fucking tattoo.”

Before Johnny could say anything, she pulled back the sleeve of her jacket. Her eyes studied the clumsy heart on her forearm, and he felt as if all the air had been suctioned out of the room.

The corner of her mouth rose in a smirk as she breathed out a chuckle, “So fucking stupid.”

V rose to her feet then, suddenly inches away from him, “Let’s delta. I need to get these clothes off. And feed the cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm always super tentative with dialogue, especially with characters i didn't create so this chapter gave me a lot of grief lol


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was stifling on the way back from the oil fields. It wasn’t a bad silence – neither of them was mad at the other – but it was a heavy silence, nonetheless. Heavy with everything that had gone unsaid, with feelings that the two of them were more than aware of but that neither wanted to admit, not even to themselves.

 _The guy who saved my life_.

She’d let those words roll around in her heard for a bit before saying them. It felt like such a risk to her, for some reason. Vulnerable and soft and too honest. But it was the only thing she could think to say that wasn’t snarky or rude. And she needed to be kind to him in that moment. The look on his face when he’d seen there was nothing there, no proof of his death or of his life. The look on his face made her stomach drop, she’d felt her eyes glistening with tears. So, she needed to be honest with him. Everything he had come to mean to her – she needed him to know it.

Maybe she should’ve been angrier at him after the shit he’d pulled when he’d taken over. The ease with which she’d forgiven him and moved on from it was completely unlike her. But again, there was this look on his face, afterward at the motel. She’d said something to him in the midst of her anger that had caused an undeniable shift in his mood. She would’ve noticed it even if he wasn’t in her head. He was suddenly tense, suddenly nervous, suddenly was struggling for words – wholly unlike Johnny. He felt _bad_. V knew that anyone looking from the outside in would take her for a fucking idiot. Johnny Silverhand, asshole with the biggest ego in all of Night City feels sorry, does he? Yeah, okay. But he did. She’d felt a deep burning shame and self-hatred within him at that moment. Hell, she could see it on his face. And she knew that feeling well.

It would be hypocritical of her to pretend she was any better than he was. And he’d seen her memories, so she couldn’t pretend otherwise. The way she’d left the Bakkers – her family, her friends – without looking back and without explanation. The way her most significant relationship had been a month-long explosive love affair with a girl she’d known since childhood and who’d cared about V more than V cared about herself. The way her unquenchable desire for fame and glory had ruined the lives of everyone she’d known. She pushed away the image of Jackie’s body, slumped in the back of a blood-splattered cab.

She had no choice but to forgive Johnny because she knew firsthand how fucking hard it was to not destroy everything around you, to not isolate yourself the second things got too emotionally intense. V had the luxury of feeling his every emotion to confirm what she thought she’d seen in his eyes as he tried to apologize. And it _was_ a luxury because, well, she also didn’t have to guess about how much he cared about her. Despite that though, despite everything she ever needed to know about this man being served up to her on a fucking silver platter of entwined neurons and code, the idea of _doing_ anything about what she felt was still the emotional equivalent of jumping in front of a moving train. Because no matter how good things looked, how clear the path to safety and success was, pain was inevitable. Nothing in her life had happened that could even begin to disprove that fact.

Her apartment was swathed in shadow when she got back to it, illuminated only by the bright lights of the city outside. Nibbles meowed at her in greeting from some hidden spot in the apartment, no doubt too comfortable to actually move from wherever he’d curled himself up. V unceremoniously fell onto her bed and kicked her boots off and into the darkness of the apartment.

She became aware of Johnny in her periphery, perched on the windowsill and staring down at her without subtlety.

“You ever been to the east coast?”

She furrowed her brow and turned her head towards him, “What?”

“The east coast. Have you been there?”

“Johnny, why the fuck are you asking me this?”

“Because you want to talk, I can feel how bad you need to open your goddamn mouth right now. You won’t be able to fucking sleep unless you talk, and I’m not letting you pick the topic of conversation, with all the depressing bullshit that’s been running through your head for past thirty minutes.”

V sighed. Somehow, she still forgot that he could hear _everything_.

“Never been outside of California,” she was grateful to bypass the fact that he’d been intimately aware of all the wallowing she’d been doing.

“You’re fucking kidding.”

V shrugged, “Bakkers didn’t do a lot of wandering around. Clung around Night City like they needed it to survive.”

 _As if she was any different_. She couldn’t help the thought.

“Hey,” Johnny stepped into her line of sight, “Stop with that, V. Christ, let me fucking distract you with bullshit conversation. Stop floating away into that depressed head of yours.”

“Are you trying to cheer me up, Johnny? How sweet of you,” V looked up at him, a toying smirk spread across her face.

“Shut up.”

V pushed herself into a sitting position as Johnny lowered himself onto the edge of the bed.

“Is that your idea of cheerful conversation? ‘You ever been to the east coast?’ Like you’re making small talk with me at some shitty party?” there was laughter behind her voice as she said this, scooting closer to him on the bed.

Johnny rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, “I don’t know V, fuck. You know I don’t know how to do this shit.”

“You don’t have to do it. I can calm myself down and put myself to bed just fine on my own.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try to help. Don’t like you thinking all that shit about yourself.”

She turned her body toward him then, “Why’s that?”

“Because none of it’s true.”

She studied his profile – he was purposefully not looking at her, she knew. Instead, he was intensely interested in the cigarette between his fingers, ash dropping off into oblivion.

“Thanks.”

It was all she could say. They sat in silence, the things left unsaid pulling at them and creating heavy tension in the air once again. And then he spoke, after so long that she’d thought for sure their conversation was long over.

“That thing you said? About me saving your life?”

Another pause, V’s breath was caught somewhere deep in her body.

“Feeling’s mutual.”

Before she could say anything, he was gone. She stared at the empty space where he’d been for a moment longer and then moved to lay down, relaxing the second her head hit the pillow.

“Good night, Johnny,” she said into the darkened room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't really start this story with any plan of where to go with it, but i just really like writing about them :'( so bear with me as i piece together some kind of plot lol. thanks so much for reading !!


	5. Chapter 5

Shots continued to ring out even after she was a considerable distance from the building. She figured the Maelstrom idiots she’d dropped in on hadn’t realized that she’d slipped out and were now shooting at anything that moved. She’d gone in there looking to nab something for Regina but had been overwhelmed before she’d gotten her hands on whatever the hell was in the stash. That was the least of her worries, however.

In her adrenaline-fueled rush away from flying bullets, V hadn’t noticed just _how much_ she was bleeding out, but now it was the only thing she could focus on. Her right side had been clipped by a bullet as she fled the building, and her shirt was now warm and sticky with fresh blood. The lightheaded feeling that she was pushing herself through was only growing worse, her ability to walk in a straight line was slipping away from her. She slowed, sure she was a safe distance from the hotbed of violence, and her hands found a rough wall to balance herself against as she blinked black spots out of her vision. She’d been in worse shape, sure. Hell, she’d been shot in the goddamn head and crawled her way out of it. But the relic was taking its toll on her, and on top of that she hadn’t eaten much today, much to Johnny’s annoyance.

She carefully pushed away from the wall and turned a corner into a nearby alley, lowering herself to the filth-covered ground. She needed a minute, and she needed to see if she could do anything about whatever the fuck was going on with her torso. With shaking hands, she lifted her shirt. _Fuck_.

Whatever she’d been hit with wasn’t your average bullet. Figures that with all the mods Maelstrom gave themselves, their firepower would only match. V stared at it helplessly, knowing she had nothing at all to treat it with. She’d never been good at improvising medical care despite all the gunfights she found herself in on a weekly basis.

“V…” Johnny appeared, crouched beside her, “We aren’t far from Vik’s. You gotta get yourself there before you pass out.”

“I’ll be alright, Johnny,” she managed to say, despite how out of breath she was. ~~~~

“Nope, you’ll fucking flatline in this goddamn alley if you don’t get moving,” he said this as he helped her to her feet, slinging one of her arms across his shoulder.

V giggled, “What d’you think this looks like to anyone walking by?”

“You probably look like a dumbass,” Johnny said as he pulled her out of the alley.

“Johnny,” V’s voice came out harsher than she meant it to, “I can walk my damn self.”

He paused and looked down at her. Could she feel his breath on her face? She supposed that made about as much sense as him propping up the weight of her body.

“I’ll be fine,” she said quietly, trying her best to quell the frustration she felt that she knew was irrational. Her nose brushed against his, “And if I’m not, you can always take over and pull me over there yourself.”

“Body won’t be much use to me if it’s bleeding out, V.”

Her eyes scanned his face. Despite all her protests, she _was_ in pain and dragging herself a couple blocks to Vik’s was gonna be a bit of a task. Something to motivate her as she did so would be helpful. She figured that the gentle concern in his face, an expression she’d only ever caught glimpses of before, would be enough.

“I’ve got it, Johnny. Just needed a second to get it together.”

She took her arm away from his shoulder, steadying herself. Johnny’s hand quickly reached out to help her stay stable, as if on instinct. He pulled it back just as quickly, stuffing it into his pocket.

\--

“Been a while since you’ve stopped by, V,” Vik said as he finished tending to her side.

“Has it?”

“Bout a month.”

V’s eyes squinted as she searched her brain for the validity of that statement. Surely she’d stopped in at some point? But no, he was right.

“Didn’t realize it had been that long. Guess I got caught up with, y’know, dying.”

She cringed at how hostile that had sounded.

Vik looked at her from the corner of his eye, pausing his clean-up effort, “How bad’s it getting?”

“Pretty fucking bad, Vik,” she gave a hollow laugh, “Almost flatlined last week.”

He turned to face her, “And…how’s he been?”

V shrugged, “No more of a pain in the ass than usual. Actually think he’s growing on me. Pun not intended.”

“Find that hard to believe.”

“Well, you aren’t in here with us, are you?” She tapped a lazy finger against her temple, “He’s actually the only reason I didn’t flatline that day. Think I’m probably growing on him, too.”

Johnny scoffed somewhere in her brain and V fought hard to repress a smirk.

Vik looked her over for a second, something close to apprehension in his gaze, before ultimately turning back to cleaning up the blood she’d gotten everywhere, “Misty’ll wanna see you.”

“Yeah, I’ll head up there,” she pushed herself up with arms that were weaker than she’d been expecting, “Thanks, Vik.”

He nodded, but didn’t look at her “Take care of yourself, V.”

As she trudged up the steps, now dimly lit in the late afternoon light, all she could focus her mind on was how swiftly time had escaped from her. A fucking _month_?

“Been a bit busy with other stuff, V,” she met Johnny at the top of the steps.

“Yeah, but still…”

“Still nothing. You can barely remember to eat – it’s pretty fucking clear all the energy you have left needs to go into keeping yourself from flatlining in some shitty alley.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “I wasn’t gonna let myself bleed out there, Johnny. I had my shit handled. You angry about it?”

“Fucking hungry is what I am.”

V rolled her eyes, “I’ll go get something after I talk to Misty. Think you can wait ten minutes?”

Johnny grumbled a half-hearted insult in response.

\--

The incense that Misty kept burning was always a welcome greeting, and she happily breathed in a lungful of the smell as Misty turned towards her from her spot at the counter.

“V!” She could see Misty’s huge smile perfectly even in the dim lighting. Misty pulled her into a firm, yet comforting hug, her hair tickling V’s face as she pulled away, “How’ve you been? I was starting to get worried.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. The days sorta got away from me. Been alright, though. Or at least best I can be, all things considered.”

Misty nodded knowingly and then tilted her head, “How’s Johnny?”

V’s brain stuttered at the question. She knew that she and Vik had just had a conversation about the guest in her head, but hearing his name come out of Misty’s mouth, so very casually, was somehow jarring.

“He’s, uh…he’s fine,” she finally said.

“Yeah?” she said this in a way that let V know that she doubted her entirely.

“I mean,” V sighed, leaning against the wall, “Pretty sure he’s upset with me right now, but what else is new.”

“What happened?”

V chewed on the inside of her mouth and looked away, out at the people walking past the shop.

“Nothing really. Got shot on a job and almost passed out. Why I’m here actually, was just with Vik,” she glanced back at Misty, who’s eyes had never left V’s face, “Don’t think Johnny appreciates how little I’m taking care of myself. Sure he doesn’t want my body to be on death’s door when he takes over.”

The forceful wall of frustration that slammed into her chest told her instantly that Johnny hadn’t appreciated that comment.

“And you’re sure he isn’t just worried about you?” Misty asked, though her narrowed eyes and sly smile said that she already knew the answer.

V smirked back, a strange discomfort beginning to mix with the frustration in her chest, an emotion she knew belonged to Johnny as well. It was a discomfort she wanted to poke at until something happened, “Oh, I absolutely know that’s what it is.” ~~~~

She chatted with Misty for a few more minutes, Johnny’s emotions still flaring in her chest, though now too much of a confused mixture to completely identify. She was grateful for his overall silence, though. It was nice to have a conversation with Misty that eventually moved away from her brain parasite and impending death and towards the weird customers she’d had over the past week and Vik’s fundamental misunderstanding of current pop culture.

She’d barely stepped out of the shop’s front door before Johnny was at her side again, leaning against the exterior of the building with his arms crossed.

“You look nice and stubborn,” she said, walking past him and in the direction of Tom’s.

“You’re one to talk about stubbornness,” he chuckled, falling in step beside her.

V smiled, moving closer to him as they walked, “Wanna talk about you being upset with me?”

“I’m not-”

“It’s okay if you’re worried about me you know,” they stopped at a crosswalk and V grinned up at him, “I won’t make fun of you for being a big softy.”

“You’re goddamn annoying.”

“Hmm,” she hummed contentedly, “You’re one to talk about being annoying.”

A warmth spread in her chest, though she wasn’t sure who it came from.

“You know something you could do to make up for stressing me the fuck out?” he said as the light changed and they started across the road.

“What’s that?”

“Order something other than a fucking burrito.”

V laughed, “Pushing your luck there, Silverhand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone's curious, i have a playlist for these two :)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1kUc8wdm3GYSN0UXCjtIXv?si=RzVBp7ROSEa1L8Augkhf-A  
> so far it's basically a bunch of songs by the same five artists but i'm working on it lol. it's also ~somewhat~ chronological.  
> thanks for reading!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be longer and completely different but i got super busy with schoolwork and wanted to put something out before things got super busy! enjoy xx

V was pushing herself too much, working her body too hard. Johnny felt it the most when she laid down to sleep – whenever she managed to sleep. A deep hollow aching that pulsed throughout her body, so strong it felt like it seeped into her very bones. Johnny had never known a feeling like that, not even with all the abuse he had put his body through when he had one. All the drugs, all the alcohol, all the shit he’d pumped into himself had never amounted to anything so deeply painful, so unshakeable. She’d finally fed herself, but it hadn’t done much. Somewhere between running herself into the ground for the past month and getting shot in the side her body had stopped responding to almost anything that tried to make it feel whole again.

Johnny eased himself onto the pillow beside her. V had her eyes closed but was awake behind her exhaustion. Nibbles hopped up onto the bed, curling up at Johnny’s feet.

“I think he knows you’re here,” V’s voice was so quiet it was nearly inaudible.

“Think he just wants to lay as far away from you as possible.”

“You’re laying awfully close,” she rolled over to face him.

Johnny glanced at her; the neon lights of the city lit her face in a soft glow, her pink hair a mess of tangles around her head. She was looking at him with eyes heavy lidded with sleep, with a look that made something within him stutter. He looked back up at the ceiling and chuckled, “I am.”

“Wanna go on your date with Rogue tomorrow?” she said in a teasing singsong voice.

“Think that weak little body of yours can handle it?”

“I dunno, what are you planning on doing with my weak little body?”

“Y’know the basics – walking, talking, staying conscious for more than a few hours.”

V laughed and, as always, he caught himself smiling at the sound. She moved closer to him; her face practically pressed against his. She was bristling with energy suddenly, bubbling up from behind her tiredness to tease him. The words that next came out of her mouth were said from behind a huge smirk.

“Well, I’ll have a big, long sleep and then tomorrow I’ll get you all nice and pretty for your date. I’ll let you pick out the outfit and everything.”

“That’s assuming Rogue will agree to my bullshit.”

V scoffed, “Of course she will.”

“After whatever the hell happened with her the other day? Dunno, V.”

“Oh, come on, who could turn down a resurrected Johnny Silverhand in the body of the cutest merc in Night City?” V had propped herself up on her elbow, clearly enjoying poking at him more than trying to get to sleep.

“Cutest? Think you mean weirdest.”

V opened her mouth in mock offense, “So rude.”

The two of them held each other’s gaze for a long moment, during which V’s playful face shifted suddenly into softness. She had a knack for that – changing her emotions at a moment’s notice. She could go from angry to sympathetic to horrified in the span of a minute if the situation called for it. Her emotions were overwhelming from the moment he’d woken up in her head and since then he’d only gotten marginally better at dealing with the whiplash that came with experiencing them himself.

“You’re really worried she won’t want to go with you?” V’s voice was as soft as the look on her face. _Fuck_ , _he hated when she looked at him like that._ It was a softness he’d seen her give to others on the rarest of occasions and it was something he loved about her; how despite everything she could be genuinely kind and caring, she could feel so deeply that it hurt. But V with her softness turned on him, looking at him like that, felt wrong.

“I am,” he finally said, “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

V’s eyebrow lifted slightly, so slight, in fact, that anyone else would never have noticed. But he was too attuned to V’s face, to everything about her, that it was impossible for him to miss.

“I don’t want to, V,” he said again, “You need to go to sleep, anyway.”

“Johnny-”

“V.”

Seeming to realize there was no use, V laid back down beside him. Nibbles crept up from his spot at the foot of the bed and settled himself on her stomach. The sounds of the city continued outside, the muffled sirens and distant gunfire familiar and somehow soothing.

Suddenly V’s hand was in his, her cold, slender fingers laced with his own. Tentatively, she traced circles on his skin with her thumb, the movement almost robotic. She was staring steadily at the ceiling and was completely still, as if moving would mean she had done something wrong, as if it would make him suddenly pull away from her touch. The gesture was supposed to comfort, but her anxiety was building in his chest, despite her efforts to hold it back.

Johnny stilled her thumb with his own and gave her hand a gentle squeeze, tracing his own thumb along her skin in a brief motion that he hoped was reassuring.

His chest emptied of pressure all at once as V’s hand relaxed, as her body melted into the mattress beneath her. A moment later she let herself close her eyes and, as he’d expected, fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's just about midterm time and my school isn't giving us a spring break, so i have no idea when i'll be able to update next. i can't go more than a day without thinking and/or writing about these two though, so it'll probably be sooner rather than later!


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